Five Reasons Zombies are Awesomesauce
by Mari Mancusi
They’re Scary!
If you’re a virgin white chick, you’re usually pretty safe heading down into a creepy basement after hearing an even creepier noise or running through the woods at night with a serial axe murderer with a mommy complex on the loose. Heck, you can even utter the deadly phrase, “I’ll be right back!” and actually be able to follow through with your promise. (Though likely all your slutty, druggie friends will be dead by the time you return.) Yes, the virgin white chick in horror films is usually safe as can be—unless she finds herself in a zombie flick, that is. Zombies can’t read, you see, and so they’ve never learned the sacred horror movie rules. Including the one that says virgin white chicks have to be spared so they can save the day. In fact, in zombie films, there’s no guarantee anyone will live through the night. And that makes zombies pretty darn scary.
They’re Funny!
There will likely be a day in the future when some sort of extreme activist group steps in and declares it no longer politically correct to laugh at all the poor, mindless zombies stumbling through life as best they can—often with hilarious results. But until that day, we can chuckle along to films like Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, poking fun at our brain-challenged fellow citizens. Heck, a pack of zombies can provide more giggles than a Three Stooges marathon as they bump into walls and fall down. So though you may feel a twinge of guilt, go right ahead and laugh. If asked, you can always say you’re laughing with them, not at them. Not that this will spare your life. But at least you won’t hurt their feelings.
They’re Fashionable!
As I think I once heard Zoolander fashion guru Mugatu say, “Zombies are so hot right now!” And he knows what he’s talking about! Just head to any sci-fi fantasy con or zombie walk and you’re bound to see a parade of the fashionable living dead, dressed in their tattered, bloody best. From zombie flappers, to zombie businessmen, zombie cheerleaders, to zombie clowns. Anything goes! For Dragon*Con, I dressed up as Zombie Little Bo Peep—complete with a brain stabbed onto my crook—and people flocked to take my photo. So the next time your wardrobe is falling flat, take a page from our fashion-forward friends. Totally Derelicte .
They Make Great Boyfriends!Who wants a silly old mortal boy, all lusting after your bod, when you can have a dapper old dead guy who wants you for your brain? Just imagine—this guy will follow you to the ends of the earth. And he’ll always be home in time for dinner. Heck, he wants you so badly, you’ll need a shotgun to fight him off!
They’re Literary!
Okay, well, the zombies themselves can’t read. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a whole awesome canon of literature, devoted just to them. From horror to romance—scary, campy, even literary—there’s a book out there for even the most discerning of zombie fans. Or you can even write your own, like I did with Tomorrow Land . Just don’t get too lost in your book. You never know what might be around the corner, hungry for you.
Tomorrow Land by Mari Mancusi
Can true love survive the end of the world?
Imagine finding your first love, only to be ripped apart by the apocalypse. Peyton Anderson will never forget the day she was forced to make a choice–between her family–and Chris Parker, the boy she’d given her heart. And now, four years later, as she steps from the fallout shelter and into a dead and broken world, he’s the only thing on her mind.
All Chris “Chase” Parker wanted was to take Peyton away and keep her safe from harm. But he waited for hours in the rain on judgment day and she never showed–breaking his heart without ever telling him why.
Now the two of them have been thrown together once again, reluctant chaperones of a group of orphan children in a post-apocalyptic world where the dead still walk…and feed. As they begin their pilgrimage to the last human outpost on Earth, can they find a way to let go of old hurts and find the love they lost–all the while attempting to save what’s left of the human race?
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Mari Mancusi used to wish she could become a vampire back in high school. But she ended up in another blood sucking profession –journalism — instead. Today she works as a freelance TV producer and author of books for teens and adults. When not writing about creatures of the night, Mari enjoys traveling, cooking, goth clubbing, watching cheesy horror movies, and her favorite guilty pleasure–video games. A graduate of Boston University and a two-time Emmy Award winner, she lives in Austin,Texas with her husband Jacob, daughter Avalon, and their dog Mesquite.
Book loving, zombie freak, stiletto wearing, twitter whore, coffee addicted Brunette with a purse fetish.
Collector of flamingo paraphernalia & zombie keepsakes… Frequenter of thrift stores... cRaFtY bitch... and I match my eye-shadow to my outfit - everyday.