I’ve made no secret of my affinity toward the book Zombies Don’t Cry! If you’ve been following this blog for awhile then surely already know this! ZDC is absolutely fabulous and you should read it immediately!
For your reading enjoyment and a huge ego booster for me… here is a:
Letter from a Teenage Zombie…
A Guest Post by Rusty Fischer, author of Zombies Don’t Cry
You don’t know me, but… I’m a zombie.Yeah, I’m not real happy about it, either, but… them’s the facts.It’s not so bad, being a zombie I mean. I miss hamburgers, and buns, and French fries and shakes, but… if you put brains on ketchup, it kinda tastes the same.Well, not exactly but… close enough.
You might be wondering why I chose to write to you today.
Well, a couple things; one, “Ash” is a GREAT zombie name. (Not like Stamp, which is the worst name, EVER, for EVERY thing!)
For another, I love brunettes, so a brunette who runs a site called “The Bookish Brunette”? That’s practically a no-brainer. (Get it? ‘Cause zombies eat brains? See what I did there?)
I’m not so big on the “bookish” part. I never was a big reader and especially not now, but the brunette part? I can dig it! (“Dig” it? See what I did there? ‘Cause zombies have to be dug up? Well, I did anyway…)
Anyway, my girlfriend Maddy used to be a brunette, that is… before she became one of the living dead and her hair grew kind of limp and almost, but not quite, gray. Not that I wouldn’t love her no matter what color hair she had, but… it’s kind of complicated.
For another, well, it’s clear you dig zombie books. In fact, you go on and on about the book Maddy wrote about me – without my permission, obviously, but what am I gonna do? – called Zombies Don’t Cry.
Yeah, it’s a good thing zombies don’t cry because I’d be balling my undead eyes out right about now, but then… you don’t have to go spreading that around, okay? (This letter *is* private, right?)
See, the thing is, I’m not sure Maddy was ever my girlfriend. I mean, yeah, okay, when she still had a heartbeat I think she kind of had the hots for me, but… that didn’t last long.
Her heartbeat, I mean; not the hots. Although, come to think of it, she pretty much lost her heartbeat AND the hots for me on the same day. (Yeah, come to think of it, that might explain a lot!)
That’s when she met “Dane.” She said he was just her “Chaperone through the Afterlife” but… I’m not stupid. I see how they look at each other. How could you not?
I don’t see it. I mean, dude looks weak. All scrawny and veiny with that close-cropped hair and the same stupid hoodie all the time. And those big, black eyes. Seriously? She’s gonna get with that over… over… me?
Okay, so I’m not much to look at these days either, but… I’m more to look at than Dane, that’s for sure.
Maddy says I’m crazy; she says I’m just imagining things but even though I was a dumb jock for years and years when I was still alive, becoming one of the undead has really opened my eyes and I’m almost, well, I know I am – I’m smarter now.
Smarter about girls, and guys, and how they look at each other. Maddy and Dane might be as cold as the back of my Mom’s freezer but, the way they look at each other could melt the Eiffel Tower, which is appropriate because isn’t that, like, the most romantic place on earth?
Lately I’ve been fantasizing about pushing them both off of the very, tippy-top of the Eiffel Tower but… big deal. They’re zombies! They’d get up, put a splint on the either side of each leg and stumble off, hand in broken hand.
See what I mean, Ash? I can’t win for losing! It seems like Maddy was only hot for me when I was alive but, now that we’re both dead, I can’t compete with a dude who’s been as dead as long as Dane.
So here’s what I propose; you’re a living chick, right? And a brunette? Maybe you’d dig hanging out with a living dead guy from time to time. Nothing serious, unless you’re into that. Maybe you could just use me for inspiration when you write your zombie book reviews, huh?
It’s not like Maddy or Dane would miss me, you know?
Yours in the Afterlife,
Stamp Crosby, formerly deceased
My poor Stamp… I still love you darling. I hate to say it but, Maddy is better off with Dane. I have a fabulous idea- Let’s cuddle until you feel better!!!!
About the author: Rusty Fischer is the author of Zombies Don’t Cry, out now in print from Medallion Press. He also has a new EBookcoming out from Decadent Publishing called Ushers,Inc. Visit his blog, www.zombiesdontblog.blogspot.com, for news, reviews, cover leaks, YA writing and publishing advice, book excerptsand more!